Manage Yourself Blog
By Deborah Hill

 

"THE SKY IS FALLING" AND OTHER LIMITING RECESSION BELIEFS
Posted on July 7, 2008

 

Does this scenario sound familiar? It's 3 a.m. and I don't want to be awake. But this annoying Chicken Little voice keeps running around in my head shouting, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" – over and over like a broken record. As I toss and turn I keep imagining the worst: The economy is sinking. We're going to lose it all. What are we going to do?

 

If you're suffering from similar bad dreams over perceived financial calamity, you might try doing what I do: Simply pinch myself and wake up!

 

The sky is not falling, and the world is not sinking into a vast economic abyss. These are limiting beliefs. I concede, this is a time of enormous transition and change, but you and I will both be fine. I choose to believe this, and I know through experience that my beliefs define my future reality. What I believe will come to be.

 

Some time ago a friend of mine (I'll call her Joan) was vice president of human resources for a large international corporation. When the corporation went bankrupt, she lost her job. That was a big hit, and it turned her world upside down. She had always been very loyal to the company, although she considered herself overworked, underpaid and unsupported by upper management. Still, her executive income afforded Joan a comfortable lifestyle that she'd grown accustomed to over the years. And even though she had previously counseled scores of employees on navigating their way through the same life changes, she suddenly feared her own world would crumble.

 

Joan lost some weight during those times, and she often looked a bit shell-shocked. I felt for her when she took on odd jobs just to pay the mortgage. She was concerned that another corporate management position would be impossible to attain. During the months that she was jobless, Joan did a lot of soul searching, and luckily she found hers. She got back into exercising and learned to accept the love and support of her friends. She spent more quality time with her boyfriend, and they bonded in new ways. It must have worked because they are still together 15 years later.

 

Though stressful, this downtime allowed Joan to renew, reconsider and reaffirm her self-worth. She began to believe in herself again and redefine what she wanted in a career. Her newly restored confidence led her to believe she would eventually find the right position.

 

Within months of adopting this belief, she was hired as director of human resources for a family-run, national firm that was expanding. To Joan's surprise and delight, she was taken in like part of the family and given more respect and responsibility – along with all the support she needed to help grow her new company to a whole new level. Joan couldn't have been happier.

 

In my new book, Unlimited Life: Limiting Beliefs and Belief Busting Power Truths, I describe how overcoming such limiting beliefs holds the key to redefining our lives. Here's an excerpt:

 

"What we think and what we believe is reflected in the energy inside and surrounding us. Our thought and belief energy is projected from us like a radio tower projects radio waves. These energetic projections tell the universe and the people in it what's happening in our world. All of the other radio towers around us, and for that matter, everything in the universe, picks up this signal that we are broadcasting, and responds accordingly. If we believe we're a failure, we broadcast this to the world and the world responds in kind. Likewise, if we believe we are well respected and successful, we project it and it's mirrored back to us. Others tune in to our frequency and respond to it in much the same way they respond to what we physically say and do."

 

Here are some powerful truths that have worked for me:

 

1. Everything happens for a (good) reason, whether I know what that reason is or not.

2. I can handle all obstacles put in my path. If it's on my path, I can handle it (or it wouldn't be on my path).

3. Challenges are opportunities for growth and renewal.

4. Everything that goes down must come back up – and in a new refreshed way.

5. Worrying about things I can't control is a waste of my energy.

 

Deborah Hill is author of Unlimited Life: Limiting Beliefs and Belief Busting Power Truths and The Writings of the Masters: Enlightening Lessons for Everyday Life. yourintuitivelife.com

To comment on this blog, e-mail blog@pinkmagazine.com and enter "Deborah Hill" in the subject line.

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THE BEAUTY OF IMPERFECTION

Posted on June 5, 2008

 

Being a lifetime perfectionist, I've survived a lot of bumps and turns in the road to get to accepting life's – and especially my – imperfections. I've learned that it's the imperfect qualities that often set us apart from the pack, define who we are and teach us.

 

I've found that laughing at my mistakes can be a wonderful tonic and tool. I had the opportunity a few years ago while on a cruise to help my parents celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. A few days out to sea, I decided to treat myself to a body wrap in the ship's spa. It was my first body wrap, but I'd had facials and massages so I felt like I knew what to expect.

 

I made my way to the luxurious spa at the appointed time, and the receptionist greeted me cordially. The tranquil sounds of a waterfall started to work wonders on my state of mind when my therapist, Hans, appeared at the door. He was the picture of Nordic perfection: young, tall, tan and blond. After guiding me to the beautiful treatment room, he pointed to the pile of soft, fluffy towels on the table, told me to disrobe and said he'd be right back.

 

I quickly covered myself with the large, cushy towel. Then I put the paper cap that was provided on my head to cover my hair – just like I do back home when getting a facial. But this cap was different. It had two large holes on top. I assumed they were for ponytails or some other hair-related function. When Hans returned he took one look at me and suppressed a laugh. He politely pointed out that the "cap" I was wearing on my head was actually a paper panty.

 

I was so embarrassed. I didn't ever want to share this story with anyone. But, to my dismay, I opened my mouth the next day and the whole tale just poured out in front of my entire family. They exploded in laughter. Instead of crawling under the table, I enjoyed seeing them have a good laugh at my expense. They hadn't laughed out of disrespect. They all identified with the humanness of the situation.

 

Maybe we're too hard on ourselves. We expect life to flow happily, and we get upset when things go wrong. We get angry when others make mistakes, especially if they work for us or run our company or government. We hate it when it rains during our vacation. But, if you think about it, it is the unexpected twists and turns that make life interesting and memorable and help us to grow.

 

We also learn to accept and love each other because of our imperfections. Our imperfections define us, characterize us and humanize us.

 

I remember a scene from the movie Good Will Hunting. Robin Williams is sharing his feelings about his wife who died two years earlier. He says, "She used to fart in her sleep. One time she farted so loud, she woke herself up. I didn't have the heart to tell her, so I apologized, as if I'd done it." When Williams's character thought about his wife, the imperfections were the things that he loved most about her. Our imperfections make us more loveable.

 

In the same way, life's imperfections can have a silver lining. Not surprisingly, I was very upset when my luggage was stolen. Some of my most beloved items of clothing were in that bag. When I went shopping to replace them, I found new styles and colors I liked even more. It caused me to reconsider my entire wardrobe. I sorted through my closet and removed about a third of the clothes, because they were only useful or practical – not fun. My stolen luggage experience helped me revamp my look and brought an adorable jean jacket into my life.

 

Life's imperfections are the things that teach us. I have many happy memories from the 50th anniversary cruise with my family. One that I will never forget occurred while I was boarding a bus my family had rented in France. I was the last one on, and as I stepped up, my entire family greeted me, all wearing paper panties on their heads. I shared the love, the community, the endearment and the delight that could only be generated by them reliving my most embarrassing moment with me.

 

I'm learning to embrace those imperfect times in my life – and those unusual aspects in others – as the coloration that enlightens, amuses and makes life more enjoyable. I work to rejoice in my imperfections and the mistakes I make – and even laugh at them. They house my lessons and add meaning and spunk to life.

 

Deborah Hill is an intuitive coach and counselor, speaker, author and teacher. yourintuitivelife.com

To comment on this blog, e-mail blog@pinkmagazine.com and enter "Deborah Hill" in the subject line.

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ONE BLOCK AT A TIME
Posted on April 29, 2008

While playing Sudoku today, I was again reminded that life's problems often look worse than they really are, and all that needs to be done is to take one step at a time.

If you're not familiar with Sudoku, it's a number game played on a grid similar to a crossword puzzle. I play because I'm told that doing these types of puzzles helps to keep my brain engaged and healthy. Sometimes I wonder what I'd have forgotten if I weren't playing it all the time. But, meanwhile, I have become a bit of a Sudoku addict.

Today I was working on an "extreme" puzzle. There were no easy solutions. I had to pencil several numeric possibilities into each square, and I hated that. It looked like there were too many possibilities and the puzzle would take me forever to solve. I began to consider several excuses for not finishing the puzzle: "It's just not fun anymore … I don't have to do this … I want to switch to an easier one … Sudoku is a waste of time." Or, " It may be unsolvable – one of the rare puzzles that got put into the book by mistake." I wanted to take the easy way out and move on. But I'm relentless in some ways (OK, most ways), and I plodded on, putting numbers in squares.

A couple of minutes later, I found a solution. One number became obvious, which helped me to eliminate others, fill in other squares and move on. What had seemed like a puzzle that would take me forever, or was even unsolvable, was solved in less than 10 minutes. What fun it was to finish such a difficult-looking task so easily.

I laughed at myself for looking for ways out when things got rough. How often does this happen in real life? Sometimes I have what seems like "too much work" on my desk, so I stress out because I think it will take forever to get it all done. Or worse, I'm afraid I'll fail. Sometimes problems seem overwhelming and unsolvable. But they aren't.

Negative anticipation is overrated. When we stress over the challenges in front of us, we throw our energy away on illusion. The key is to just take one small step – or fill in one square at a time – and the answers magically begin to appear. The solution unfolds in front of you. It's impossible to see how situations will be handled in the future because we aren't there yet. As we act, the future unfolds; we learn, and we deal with it.

I read a quote by Barry Neil Kaufman the other day: "Worrying about the future is like trying to eat the hole in a doughnut. It's munching on what isn't." We're never given a challenge we can't handle. With perseverance and faith we figure it out – sometimes with others' guidance along the way – and we prove yet again that any puzzle is solvable.

Deborah Hill is an intuitive coach and counselor, speaker, author and teacher. yourintuitivelife.com

To comment on this blog, e-mail blog@pinkmagazine.com and enter "Deborah Hill" in the subject line.

COMMENTS

I loved this Blog!! The points that Deborah makes here are right in line with my own personal outlook on life, and she articulates them very well! I think we can all benefit from such a well-written reminder about putting things in perspective.

A reader

A good friend just emailed me the link to Deborah's timely reminder.  Even though I teach my own children that the most successful people are those that learn to do the things that other people don't like to do, it's easily forgotten, especially when dealing with those mundane tasks we hate the most.

Thanks!

Leonard