Been There Blogs – Menopause
By Haralee Weintraub

MENOUPAUSE AND THE RIVE DA NILE
Posted on August 28, 2008

 

There's a river we all have to cross over as we age. It's called the River Da Nile – and it's worse for menopausal women.

 

Menopause happens to women usually between age 40 and 52. That is a big age variance. A woman in her early 40s may think she is stressed-out by her job and family. She just doesn't think she is menopausal because that only happens to older women. Ditto for women in their late 40s and early 50s. This means there is a good chance for denial. Da Nile is a wide river, and many women are floating down it!

 

Menopause happens to all women. Some women are fortunate enough not to have many symptoms (or so they say). You know if you are one of these women who never admits to a hot flash, a forgetful moment or insomnia. Symptoms often start slowly and build up and then back down. This process can take up to 10 years! I didn't wear a turtleneck for five years.

 

There are few life jackets in the river Da Nile. My heart goes out to women who in their late 30s are starting to have children. They are already swimming against the current and don't even know it. To be in your 50s and have a pre-teenager! We all know or can remember how very difficult it is to be a teenager. Now compound that with menopause symptoms, poor Mom. A chorus I have heard often at work is "How can I be menopausal with a 6 year old?" I had a co-worker who didn't even realize she was going through menopause because she had teenage twin daughters and was a single parent working full time. She just thought she was stressed, overextended, going crazy, unable to cope – and a miserable mother. You can't imagine her relief when she was lifted out of the river of Da Nile and told her hormones were running amok because of menopause – just like her daughters with puberty.

 

I have another co-worker shy of age 40 that prefaces things by saying, "I know I don't look like I'm in my late 30s …." Well, yes she does to me. She is very pretty, but I would never mistake her for a 28-year-old or a 35-year-old. She says she feels the same as she did when she was in her 20s. I think she is hearing the roar of the river. I have a friend in her mid-40s who tells me she is sweating around her neck at night. She thinks it is an allergy to her blankets. Can you see the river Da Nile lapping at her feet?

 

What is wrong with being menopausal? The alternative of being dead is not as appealing.

 

Do whatever you need to do to feel better, but accept it as a part of life. As women we have always raised eyebrows to the man with the comb-over. We have taken a second look at the woman wearing fashions inappropriate for her age. We have criticized those individuals in denial about their hair – and their wardrobe. But the river is wide and it looks refreshing, and there are lots of people we know swimming. I say, Don't jump in!

 

Haralee Weintraub is CEO of Haralee.com.

To comment on this blog, e-mail blog@pinkmagazine.com and enter "Menopause" in the subject line.

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DON'T COMPLIMENT MY FEET

Posted on July 21, 2008

 

I recently saw a co-worker in the hallway with puffy and bloodshot eyes. I asked her what was wrong, fearing a death, a divorce, a crisis. She told me that the very handsome, young UPS driver had told her she has great toes. While this was not the tragedy I had expected, I still immediately understood. My response, of course, was, "That bastard."

 

For those of you still in the dark – i.e., not menopausal – let me explain. During menopause it is a chore to stay fully dressed at work. To maintain makeup can take an entire break time. Hot flashes can wreak havoc on the most put-together woman. Insomnia does not help with the skin tone or the dark circles under the eyes. After a few years of the menopause, the beauty regime is sometimes limited to nail polish – which does not sweat off.

 

So while the menopausal woman may take pride in her painted fingernails or toenails, to be complimented on them by a young man is just too patronizing!

 

Would it have been better if he had said nothing? Would she have been reduced to tears if he had just exchanged pleasantries? Would his comment have mattered to her if he were closer to 50 and not very good-looking? What if he were good-looking and around 50?

 

My advice is to take any compliment, small or silly. After patronizing comes invisibility. Most menopausal women know the invisibility cloak is there lurking, waiting to engulf us – being ignored, being literally looked over to the next person in line, the next person with a suggestion or comment. Once invisibility starts, the most outrageous manicure or pedicure has no impact. Patronizing then becomes almost a fond memory.

 

Have you been patronized in a menopausal state? Welcome to the club.

 

Haralee Weintraub is CEO of Haralee.com.

To comment on this blog, e-mail blog@pinkmagazine.com and enter "Menopause" in the subject line.

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HOT AND BOTHERED
Posted on June 17, 2008

My name is Haralee Weintraub. I design, make and sell apparel at haralee.com for women with night sweats and hot flashes. I am a six-year breast cancer survivor and an entrepreneur, and I am menopausal – and those are the issues for this blog.

Menopause can be miserable: Let's not sidestep or sugarcoat it. I was not menopausal when I started chemotherapy, and literally overnight I was in the throes of menopause – night sweats, hot flashes, mood swings, fatigue, insomnia, memory loss, the whole enchilada. I went from surgical menopause to chemical menopause to induced menopause and, finally, to run-of-the-mill menopause. Because of my breast cancer, I can't take anything to help the symptoms. But don't pity me. Just read this blog, laugh, comment and connect. As women, we all go through this, so let's talk about it.

Dealing with menopause while working as a professional presents many challenges. Here are a few of my suggestions:

Limit eyebrow pencil use. Trust me when I say that an eyebrow heading south down your cheek is not a good look.

Lower the thermostat, turn up the air or keep a window open next to you. Others can put on sweaters. A small, personal fan blowing in your face is perfect.

Wear sleeveless shirts year round. So your upper arms aren't as tight as they used to be. Who cares?

Wear open-toe shoes or sandals year round. Never even try to wear pantyhose. Those of you living where the snow falls can change to sandals once at work.

Rethink your professional wardrobe and go for looser styles, less cling, more open necklines, more flowing styles – generally a more artistic, bohemian look. This is code for anything that won't stick to your sweaty back, front, legs, neck or arms.

I am sure you all have your own stories and coping mechanisms. Share them here; we're listening.

Haralee Weintraub is CEO of Haralee.com.

To comment on this blog, e-mail blog@pinkmagazine.com and enter "Menopause" in the subject line.