Expert Blogs – Getting Your Book Published
By Patti Callahan Henry

HOW I GOT MY FIRST BOOK PUBLISHED
Posted on June 25, 2008

The desire to publish is a paradox: The more I wanted it, the further away it ran from me. Like a guy. Like a really good-looking guy who wants nothing to do with me until I'm going out with another really good-looking guy.

When I first started writing, I just wanted to tell a great story. I had this internal need that was stronger than anything I'd felt since childhood. I hid my desire, and my writing, for at least three years. I wrote the story I really wanted to tell. I went to writing classes, read writing books and traveled to writer's retreats. Then I showed my work to some other writers, who, like the miracle of the Red Sea parting, loved it. One author showed it to an agent, who also liked it and took me on as a client. This is where I'd like to write, "And we lived happily ever after." But this is actually where I became almost hopelessly lost.

Suddenly I thought I'd turned into an "author." How delusional is that – to think a couple of opinions make you any more or less than you were only moments ago? I lost sight of my real desire. Now I wanted to publish to national and international acclaim. I'm not sure where the transformation took place – somewhere in my ego, I am quite sure. Somewhere in that mushy place of need.

The big-time agent said she loved my work, just loved it, but could I please rewrite it to make it clearer, better, nicer? Of course I could – I was an author. Then she asked again – could I please rewrite it to make it clearer, better, nicer? Of course, I said again. Then she asked me again … you get it ….

So, I began to write with big, pompous words. I wrote long, flowing paragraphs full of metaphor, analogy and alliteration. The returned comments? "Nice writing, don't get the story. But we think you could be the next (fill in the blank with any writer you imagine)."

What? I don't want to be the next anyone.

I gave up. I really did. I wasn't an author. I was a hack (which of course goes back to the delusion that someone else's opinion makes you any more or less than you were only moments ago).

After months of trying to pretend that I didn't care about writing, I ended up sick (really, pneumonia), and I turned back to desire – that true, deep-down desire to tell a good story. I wrote another story, a different story about a woman whose first love returned because his son was dating her daughter. I loved this story, and worked hard. I didn't change my voice or my style or my storytelling, but I did persist in learning the craft of writing and pursuing the art. Then I found a new agent. And I sold the story. So my first novel, Losing the Moon, was born of desire and passion – and not the incessant need for approval.

I am now working on my sixth novel, and I still fight this fight within myself. I will be honest – sometimes I still get lost and must remember what I forgot, that this storytelling stuff is powerful, and if it is to be any good, it must come from a deeper place within.

Before publication, if someone had asked me (which no one did) what I looked forward to the most with publication – I probably would have said something idiotic like "the money" or "the awards" or "the fame." Embarrassing to admit, don't you think? Now when someone asks me (which they do) what I love the best about publication, I tell them – the writing world: the relationships, the camaraderie, the beauty of the written word, the honor of telling stories – and so much more.

Publishing is a business; storytelling and writing are passions. The mix doesn't always make a tasty cocktail. There is not a lot of glamour, or money for that matter. But there is fulfillment and a great amount of joy mixed with the exhaustion and frustration.

Stay tuned as I travel on a book tour throughout June, and we'll talk more about the joys and travails of the published life.

Patti Callahan Henry is the national best-selling writer of four novels with Penguin/NAL. Her latest is The Art of Keeping Secrets.

To comment on this blog, e-mail blog@pinkmagazine.com and enter "Publishing" in the subject line.

READ HER DAILY BLOG FROM THE BOOK TOUR AT patticallahanhenry.com/blog/blog.asp.