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"Remember, this is one day – your day that you have invited everyone you know to be a part of. You only get one chance per marriage. I suggest that all brides give themselves at least six months to plan a wedding – ideally a year." Keri Herndon-Brown, founder and owner, Events by Keri |
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Wedding Blog
WEDDING DO'S AND DON'TS Posted on July 18, 2008
When planning a wedding, the last thing you want to do is take a tumble down etiquette hill. Here are some things to consider as you go:
Paper Trumps Electronic Invitations While everyone on the planet from your teenage neighbor to your boss uses e-mail and probably owns a BlackBerry, planning a wedding is not the time to go high-tech. At no point should you use online invitations. Yes, e-mail invitations are simple and cost little to nothing. Nevertheless, they set the wrong tone for your wedding. Instead, mail traditional invitations and use an online RSVP service to collect guest responses.
Choosing Your Supporting Cast When it comes time to choose your wedding party, things can get a little tricky. No longer is it customary to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. That being said, try not to have nine more bridesmaids than groomsmen. It will give the illusion that your fiancé has no friends.
More isn't always merrier when it comes to your bridal party. There are times when it's more of a hassle to narrow the number down to six than to one. Think about having just a maid of honor. This could save you a lot of arguments and a ton of heartache. You could make more enemies by trying to include all of your good girlfriends rather than just having your sister or best friend star as the best supporting actress for the day. (Note: If this is your second marriage, don't be afraid to give the role to your daughter or future daughter-in-law.)
Aunt Wanda vs. the World Wide Web Once upon a time, couples relied on family and friends to pass along pertinent information by word of mouth. You would tell Aunt Wanda where you were registered and details on the adult-only reception and trust that she would disperse the particulars. In this day and age, Aunt Wanda has been replaced by a personalized wedding website. Couples young (and those young at heart) are creating websites to tell how the groom proposed, give information on travel and accommodations, specify gift registries and give details on the adult-only reception you're planning. Many couples choose to send out save-the-date cards with their website printed so that guests can get all the necessary information without having to call or e-mail you a ton of questions. Also, most invitation specialists suggest putting a website card in your invitation. It gets your point across about some of your wedding specifics without seeming pushy.
Beyond Bridezilla So often brides take on the attitude of "it's all about me," but at the same time they become perturbed when the groom doesn't seem to be vested in the planning process. It's a Catch-22 for us girls, I know, but let your soon-to-be husband stand out on your wedding day as well. There are companies such as Groomstudioweddings.com that assist the groom and his attendants with their attire for the ceremony. The staff will give him just as much attention as your bridal boutique did for you. Best of all, it's run by a man's man.
Toast, not Roast There comes that dreadful moment during most receptions when everyone sits back and holds their breath, waiting to see what the maid of honor, best man or Uncle Jimmy will say to the newlyweds. By all means, please talk to your maid of honor and best man prior to the ceremony and express your concerns – and maybe even ask to hear their prepared speech. Your best friend may need to be reminded that your grandmother is sitting in the audience and wouldn't want to hear about the one-night stand you had in college, no matter how funny it is. Also, remember to guard the microphone for the evening. The last thing you want to do is open Pandora's box and allow everyone to chronicle all of your most embarrassing moments about dating or other failed marriages.
Invite Cousin Danny and His Newest Girlfriend? One of the hardest decisions about planning a wedding after saying I do to your fiancé is the guest list. Typically the guest list is divided three ways – you, your fiancé and your respective families. If you've done all of your planning correctly, then you've probably already secured your venue. This will help with this process. If you plan an intimate wedding with a venue that holds under 100 guests, you've pretty much committed to only inviting family. If you choose a venue that holds 300 people, then it really gets tricky. Before you open the guest list up to anyone at all, discuss it with your fiancé. As with almost every other decision you will make as husband and wife, you should come up with a game plan before you share it with everyone else.
1. Do invite those you want to surround you on this glorious day.
2. Don't feel pressured to invite family members you haven't seen in years, if ever.
3. Do consider inviting your boss, as it's politically correct.
4. Don't feel pressured to invite all your co-workers. Let it depend on the "extra" space you have on your guest list. However if you have a co-worker that has become a friend, invite her. It helps to not walk around the office chatting about the wedding. You shouldn't share the info if you don't want to share your day!
5. Don't bank on a lot of declines, especially if you give people ample time to plan. Depending on the time of year and wedding location, you can expect 60 to 80 percent to accept.
6. Don't feel pressured to allow guests to bring guests if they're not spouses, significant others or people that you like. If you remove that plus-one from Cousin Danny's invitation, you might be able to invite one more person you actually know.
7. Do split the guest list evenly. Forty percent to you and your fiancé, respectively, and 20 percent to the parents. This rule is a good olive branch to your future in-laws, especially if they're pitching in.
8. Don't feel guilty about your guest list. Your wedding day is a special day, and you are entitled to share these memory moments with those that you choose.
Rated R for Mature Audiences Only The age-old subject of an adult-only reception is still a million-dollar question. In years past, etiquette said that it was rude to list "Adult Reception Only" on the invitation because you could offend your guests. Some of today's etiquette gurus now dismiss this notion. If you truly want an event sans the little ones, let your guests know. (By not inviting children, you can save 25 percent of your guest list.) Nevertheless, if it's what you want, make it a blanket rule. Your neighbor may take offense if they don't bring their kids and then see 14 of your favorite nieces and nephews. It sends the message that you're picking and choosing whose untamed children you want at your wedding.
Keri Herndon-Brown is a wedding and event planner and owner of Events By Keri. eventsbykeri.com To comment on this blog, e-mail blog@pinkmagazine.com and enter "Wedding Blog" in the subject line. . . . . . . . . . . . HE ASKED AND I SAID YES … NOW WHAT?!! Many of today's professional women are getting married at a point in their lives when the last thing they can juggle is another project like wedding planning. Some are getting married for the first time, while this may be the second or third trip down the aisle for others. Needless to say, a wedding is a huge undertaking for anyone, but especially for goal- and deadline-oriented alpha-females who are more corporate strategist than Susie-homemaker. Bottom line: Assemble a team of trained professionals to succeed. Decisions, Decisions Set a theme and know your budget. Most brides-to-be hear the word "theme" and assume they're being asked to create a cheesy winter wonderland or an '80s party. Simply put, a theme is the ambiance that makes you smile and that you want to share with your guests. For a summer afternoon wedding, play up a fruit like an apple or orange. Allow white to be your canvas color, and use the fruit to accent the entire wedding. You can use apples in the centerpieces, serve apple martinis and use scented candles. Or, for the couple that wants to create a Zen-like atmosphere: think water, bamboo and rocks for centerpieces; serve food with an Asian flair; and give your guests their Asian-style fan favors at the beginning of the ceremony to keep them cool. Budget doesn't mean cheap; it means prudent. Wisely discuss how much you are willing to spend for this one-day (or weekend) soiree. Some brides get married spending a minimum of $25,000, while others spend $250,000. Either way, it allows you to dream like a little girl again and determine a clear vision for your wedding reality. Warning: Too often brides pick out wedding venues or photographers that can make their budget lopsided. Try to consider the full range of things that need to be covered before you commit to a hefty price for one or two expenses. Here's a "thumbs up" rule when it comes to how much to allot in each category of your wedding budget: Reception = 43% Photographer = 12% Attire = 10% Entertainment = 8% Flowers = 8% Ceremony = 5% Stationery = 3% Transportation = 3% Gifts (wedding attendants and out-of-town guests) = 3% Miscellaneous = 5% If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. We all know this clichéd mantra from our careers. It also applies, and maybe is even more relevant, to wedding planning. Remember, this is one day – your day that you have invited everyone you know to be a part of. You only get one chance per marriage. I suggest that all brides give themselves at least six months to plan a wedding – ideally a year. Typically when brides attempt to rush a wedding, it turns into a bridezilla fiasco because they have to compromise on their ideal ceremony or reception venue, photographer and/or bakery. Your wedding day will only be as good as the vendors you select. Business-savvy women choose the best ad agencies, publicists and marketing firms to close a deal. Do the same for your wedding. Use wedding consultants, caterers and florists who are experienced and come highly recommended. When you go to your favorite restaurant, ask the chef or maitre d' for a suggestion on a caterer. And don't stop there. Ask a variety of restaurants about who provides their floral arrangements. Remember to do the same at your local spa or country club. Dates to remember Send invitations as early as 16 weeks in advance but no later than 12 weeks from the wedding date – depending on your industry and those of your inner circle, as well as the time of year that you'll be getting married. If you're doing it on a holiday or during wedding season (i.e., summertime or the winter holidays), you may want to send Save the Date cards as well. Try to reserve your ceremony and reception venue at least six to eight months from the wedding date. And highly sought-after venues and vendors can book up to a year in advance. Try to book your vendors in this order:
Keep it moving. While it's nice to incorporate many VIPs and several hymns, poems and songs into the wedding ceremony, think about the guests who are sitting through all of these speeches and rituals. Keep the flow of the reception in mind as well. Guests should have fun, too, and will stay well into the day or night to enjoy the festivities if you keep them guessing. Several subtle changes all evening will create a memorable event:
Hors d'oeuvres and spirits Gone are the days when couples were pressured to serve their guests four-course meals. Many couples have chosen to get the party started immediately following the ceremony by providing signature drinks and heavy appetizers. When the reception officially begins, allow your guests the option of choosing from several food stations. Be sure to mirror the food stations so you don't have everyone waiting in line for the same tasty treat. Incorporate diverse tastes; just because your family is Italian or from the South doesn't mean they wouldn't enjoy sushi or paella. Alcohol can eat up your reception budget. Think of only offering his and hers signature drinks during the cocktail hour, as well as a nonalcoholic option. During dinner, next to each station provide a red and white wine that would complement each dish. Shout "We're getting married!" from the rooftops. Invitations set the tone for your wedding. If you're having a black-tie affair, you don't want to send invitations that imply a beach theme. Guests really want to know what to expect. Similar to most businesses that have an online version of themselves, today's couples often create wedding websites, allowing them to provide guests more information than an invitation allows. Etiquette says it's OK to place your registry information on a website but never in the wedding invitation. I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! Or something different! Think outside the box when it comes to the wedding cake. Consider including a groom's cake to be served alongside the traditional wedding cake. Groom's cakes can add variety – think red velvet, chocolate or carrot cake. Offer petit fours, candy stations or cupcakes, or ask your caterer to recreate your grandmother's sweet potato pie and serve it in a martini glass. Shake your Booty! The age-old question – band or DJ. Everyone has their personal preference; some couples even hire both. Regardless of your decision, investigate hiring a master of ceremony or asking a lively friend who will keep your guests engaged. Bands provide immediate energy during receptions. They will assist with creating the mood you're attempting to achieve. The downside to a band is that all the music is recreated. It's their version of your favorite song. DJs have the ability to play any and every song ever created. You will be afforded the opportunity to blend cultures, races, genres and memories. A DJ is a one-man band and only has so much energy to inject into your soiree. Last but not least When the going gets tough, the tough hire professional wedding planners. Wedding planners handle all of the above while keeping you sane and allowing you to maintain your focus on your job. Plus, the man of your dreams loves that he's marrying his heroine who is climbing the corporate ladder and looking absolutely fabulous in those new pumps. Every bride should include a wedding planner into her budget, even if she chooses to only have him or her coordinate the wedding rehearsal and wedding day festivities. There are planners for every budget, starting as low as $1,000 to $25,000 with the average for a full-service wedding costing $5,000. The best way to find the planner that will fit your style is to look at magazines and websites for your city. Look at their website and see if it fits with your personality. Finally, set up a meeting with two or three companies and make your decision.
Keri Herndon-Brown is a wedding and event planner and owner of Events By Keri. eventsbykeri.com To comment on this blog, e-mail blog@pinkmagazine.com and enter "Wedding Blog" in the subject line. |
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